Lost Identity (My post in university magazine)

lost identity 3

I ripped asunder my mask. It was the moment of realization. I was no longer me. It was a stuffed, masked me. For so long had I tried to hide myself from others that I no longer knew me- I no longer could find my own reality myself!
The feeling was suffocating!! The realization was embarrassing. I felt stifled under the burden of my own emptiness. Desperate and fearful, I reached for those disguises and starting ripping them off-one after the other. Then another…and another…and another…. I thought this wouldn’t stop. Each mask promised a real me and each time I tried searching a hidden face behind it, I didn’t fail. Each expression had truth written in its lines and then each turned into an emblem of mocking lies.
Desperation mounted- fear further pressed on. Had I really lost myself then? The infinity of my guises had choked my effort to rediscover myself. But still I had to carry on. Living a life of lie was no longer bearable, now that realization had dawned the truth upon me. I reached for my masks again. The mask from this world, the mask from friends, the mask of sweetness, the mask of bravery……….the mask of piousness, the guise of intellect, the pretension of humbleness, the fake smile, the wrong style, the tampered-with truths, the endorsed lies ….I tore them all off, yet more of them grew. I stripped more and found even more beneath them. My hands were weary now, my senses dreary. Yet my heart beat in an unknown fear- one of losing myself forever. And this alone kept me going.
And then it finally was there. With a gasp of immense joy, I sifted through myself- it was me!!! I could finally see it! It was the same me who laughed at true joys and cried at the real sorrows- who didn’t conjure false laughter or keep his tears from shedding. It was the same me who’s eyes would twinkle at the sight of truths and who’s mind rebelled against the scattered lies. It was the same me who was worth-being!!I had finally discovered myself again-reincarnated myself again!! It was me again!! I was me again!!

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